The Serious Ride For Serious Men

19th May 2013. 68.5 miles. 6,506 ft ascent. Ride Map

The Serious Ride For Serious Men.

A road bike ride organised by Chairman Simon “‘dancing on the pedals” Whelan of The Cafe Racers, a sub-group of The Terra Trailblazers for those who take their pleasures on the less rugged side, where mud, rock and roots are viewed with the same enthusiasm as being kidnapped by a gang of predatory homosexuals who don’t have a tub of Assos cream between them and the mere sight of anything other than pristine tarmac elicits frowns and a high degree of wheel anxiety.

Our motley crew of Mamils and Lycra Louts assembled some ungodly hour in the pub car park at Ingleby Greenhow and pedalled to Kildale, passing the still closed Glebe Cottage, ascending gradually to Percy Cross crossroads where we turned right and made our way to Westerdale, the start of the proper climbing, three downs and three ups brought us to the Castleton - Hutton Le Hole road near Ralphs Cross. 

And down into Rosedale Abbey we went, directly to the public toilets, for peanut bladder voiding and worry wees prior to the big challenge of the day, Chimney Bank, or as it is more commonly known, The Infamous Chimney Bank. After pausing for the obligatory picture in front of the warning sign, we set off, The Stick Men leading the way, while the non-anorexics took a more leisurely approach. The climb begins quite amicably until the fabled 33% hairpins which, with a bit of determination, were not too bad, the next section is the killer, only slightly less steep than the hairpins but seemingly neverending, the Devil on my shoulder was whispering have a breather but the thought of the tick was stronger and I pressed on until the angle eased to merely steep, the sign at the top came into view soon after and it was over. Chimney Bank: tick. The Anorexics Anonymous crew were waiting at the top with cameras and congratulations.

From here it was an easy run to Helmsley for the mandatory coffee and cake stop, refueling before the next leg. A steady pull out of Helmsley, then a drop into Hawnby followed by the up and down road to Osmotherley and once again, directly to the public toilets for peanut bladder drainage. Seven miles to our next objective, Carlton Bank, a difficult enough climb when fresh but after 58 miles of hilly terrain? Soon we had our answer - just possible for some of us, a bit of a romp for others. 

The last climb up the ‘easy’ side of Clay Bank was despatched and then, as the saying goes, it’s all downhill from here. We rode from Clay Bank to Ingleby Greenhow at speeds which may be considered unwise for a person approaching middle age like myself, bearing in mind my last tumble resulted in broken bones and several weeks off the bike. 

Arriving back at the pub we suffered our only disappointment of the day, they didn’t start serving food for another two hours.